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Ich Liebe Krieg
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15th-Jun-2009 05:55 pm(no subject)
The nights here are filled with mosquitoes. I watch them from mein window some evenings. Sometimes I wonder how like them mein troops might become should I disappear one day. Will ein mosquito, when taught to behave like ein ant, retain that knowledge? When shall I feel that confidence that we are truly, truly ready? I feel as though I am waiting for some great sign, though I haven't any idea from whence it shall come. But I believe I shall know when it does.

Und, failing that, ein time may come when my self-restraint will hold out no longer, und I shall just go blow everything up meinself!

Yes, I have been in this mood for the past few weeks. Impatient. Restless. Filled with aimless desires to see things be destroyed, to watch someone die. It does not help that when I am in such ein state, I must often limit the amount of time I spend working directly with mein officers. We would not want to accidentally lose any of them, would we?

Please do not think me bad-tempered or uncivilized. War ist ein gentleman's sport. However, even the patience of ein gentleman grows thin after so long. One year begins to blur into the next, und I increasingly worry that I have somehow become complacent und it ist simply not apparent to me. When shall we be ready? I ask meinself that every morning that I do not wake to the sound of gunfire.
i love war
6th-May-2009 10:22 pm(no subject)
Und did we all enjoy our little adventure with gender confusion? You see, it ist just as I said - ein bit of patience und it ist all better! It was not by any action of mein; I presume the curse merely wore off. I was, of course, doing all I could to expedite the process, but I am ein busy man with many pressing matters to attend to. Matters more important than your personal comfort? Oh, I know it ist difficult to believe, but yes. It ist rather funny to me, the infinite capacity for complaints that some of you have. I wonder if resiliency in the face of hardship ist ein inborn trait, or if it ist learned. How would some of you fare when given something truly worth complaining about?

Now, do not think I am being bitter! As I said, I find it all quite entertaining. I find all aspects of humanity entertaining, but especially those that surface when people are placed under pressure. Those with disdain for war argue that we who sit at the controls of this great machine think of our soldiers only as pawns, never considering that each ist ein individual with thoughts, emotions, relationships...to that I say, if I wanted to play chess, I would play chess. (I do sometimes play chess, incidentally. Und though I do not wish to brag, I am rather good.)

War ist nothing without the human element. The excitement of charging into battle, the thrill of ein soldier killing for the first time. The horror of watching one's comrade disemboweled mere feet away, und the blinding rage that follows. Sorrow. Fear. Agony. Desperation. Are we ever more alive than when death may come at any moment? Are we ever so capable of such amazing feats? I believe that ein man will never reach his full potential until he ist pushed to the very edge. Ein person's true nature gradually begins to reveal itself.
i love war
25th-Apr-2009 10:20 pm(no subject)
Oh dear. My, my, my. This ist rather unfortunate, hm? I did have ein sneaking suspicion that the relic Herr Jigen brought me was not the correct one. I suppose this has been confirmed now. How lucky for me that it seems not to have affected everyone it came in contact with, yes?

I do not doubt that the expectation to fix this will end up falling squarely on mein shoulders, und so I am currently looking into the matter. While I am sure some of you are displeased to learn that you make hilariously unattractive examples of the opposite sex, I ask you to please be patient. I assure you I will do all I can.
eyebrow raise
22nd-Apr-2009 10:52 pm(no subject)
Since we all seemed to enjoy ourselves at that last little get-together, I believe I am going to use Herr Jigen's successful completion of mein little errand as ein excuse to have another. On Friday evening, I shall reserve ein small but quite nice establishment, und any of you who wish to drop by for ein drink are welcome - those who consider themselves connoisseurs of alcohol will, I think, be quite pleased with the selection. Supper will also be available, should you desire it.

I will bring the relic with me, so that any with some interest in history might have ein look at it. As ein object, it ist not so impressive, but it ist quite well-preserved for its age und has ein good deal of fascinating lore surrounding it.

I eagerly look forward to seeing all of you there.
proceed
29th-Mar-2009 10:47 pm(no subject)
I can very distinctly remember, even now, standing in front of the stove as ein very young boy, cooking cabbage or beans or whatever other unsavory bits of nourishment we were able to afford after the countless bottles of liquor had been purchased. I would stand on the tips of mein toes, trying to keep the steam from fogging up mein glasses, for I wore them even then. Und I would think to meinself - I would promise meinself - that once I became ein rich und powerful man, I would eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, und I would never, ever cook it meinself.

When I would go to the bakery to buy the day-old bread, I would look at the beautiful, gleaming confections in the huge case und I would wish. When the owner was not looking, I would press mein nose against the glass und hope that I could somehow be absorbed into it, as if there was ein looking-glass world just on the other side.

But wishing does you no good if it ist all you ever do. I soon learned that I must be the one to take control. Und so I did.

I remember, at the end of the very first dinner I ate with the Führer (though of course, they did not yet call him that) after he found me, ein large chocolate cake was brought out und I was allowed to have as big ein slice as I wanted. I was so happy I could have cried, und by all rights I ought to have made meinself sick with as much as I ate. As the years have passed, I have kept to mein promise und I have eaten ein great many delicacies as ein result, but to this day I still believe that cake to be the most exquisite thing I have ever tasted.
uniform
6th-Mar-2009 08:13 pm(no subject)
In the year 1961, ein man by the name of Stanley Milgram began ein series of experiments that are very interesting to me. I shall try to summarize:

Subjects were brought in under the pretense that they would be participating in ein study on the effects of shock treatment on memory. Introduced to another man, they were informed that they would be playing the role of 'teacher,' und he of 'student.' The student was taken to ein separate room, und the subject was able to hear but not to see him. Pairs of words were to be memorized, und the second of the two repeated back to the teacher when the student was prompted with the first. If ein incorrect answer was given, the student would be administered ein shock. As the number of wrong answers increased, so too did the intensity of the shock.

What subjects did not know was that the man serving as student was actually ein confederate of the experiment. He was never actually being shocked, merely acting. Und act he did - as the shocks the subjects thought they were administering increased in intensity, he would begin to beg for his freedom und scream in agony, eventually going entirely silent.

Now, the hypothesis of this study was that only ein tiny percentage of people would ever go up to the maximum voltage. After all, ein man was presumably being slowly killed just because he could not remember word pairs. Their hands were not forced, there was simply ein man in ein lab coat telling them to proceed. They could have refused; have gotten up und left.

Two-thirds of participants went up to the maximum voltage. Only one stopped even before three hundred volts.

What ist rather amusing from ein personal standpoint ist that at the time, these results were used as ein attempt to explain the behavior of ein former comrade of meine, Herr Eichmann, whose trial began shortly after these experiments did. As if it was possible to pick und choose who the data applied to.

No, I think we may draw ein larger conclusion from this than just to say that people have ein tremendous capacity to obey authority, for ist not said authority human as well? Human, I believe, ist the key word here. The experiment has since been ruled unethical, but why? These people made ein choice. Und in the overwhelming majority, this choice was to inflict pain upon another. You can either be horrified at this und attempt to sweep it under the rug, perhaps citing some other experiment that allegedly proves the "goodness" of mankind - or, you can accept it.

This ist part of what it means to be human, und there ist no reason to be ashamed of it. There are few things that express humanity in its most raw und distilled form than violence und pain. Und, of course, the most exquisite game that results from the organization of these things - war.
i love war
8th-Feb-2009 09:46 pm(no subject)
A few nights ago, Herr Doktor informed me that he intends to marry later this month, und requested my presence at the ceremony. Was I surprised? Perhaps I should not have been. For almost ein year he has spent most of his time at the home of this gentleman – which I do not mind; our true work has not yet begun und until it does, it ist not of much consequence where my officers choose to stay as long as they are attending to their duties und are available should I need them. Und yet, I have known the Doktor for…oh, many, many years now, und never has he seemed to me the type to marry. But perhaps this ist simply because I do not aspire to such ein thing myself, nor have I ever. If I may speak honestly, it ist not ein tradition I see much sense in.

Regardless, if after all these years my comrade has found someone he deems worthy to bind himself to for the rest of whatever time he may spend upon this earth, I come to two conclusions – first, that it ist mein duty to support him in this endeavor despite any of mein own opinions; und second, that I ought to meet this man whom he finds so captivating. Und in addition, that I ought also to meet the rest of these people who will have the honor of being wedding guests, as he informed me that I do not know most of them.

I have been aware in passing that some of my subordinates have kept logs of their day-to-day activities on this website, but I had not realized that it was also used as a manner of social network. I will admit that I find the concept rather fascinating. Any person with access to a computer und the internet may become an author – und more than this, they will be read. A person can turn even the tiniest, most mundane corner of existence that they may occupy into something that others will actually care about. But I must wonder how much of this caring ist done under the assumption that it will then be reciprocated.

Ah, but let me introduce myself before I get any further into my philosophizing! Mein name is Montana Max, but I am known to most as Herr Major or simply Major, und this is what you may call me. I do not doubt that you have already heard a bit about me from mein compatriots – only good things, I am sure!
aristocratic
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